Sleeping

Sleep has eluded me, off and on, since the Southwest.  Starting in Texas, breathing was difficult, and I started panic attacks at night.  Because my breathing was just so out of whack, I developed anxiety about nighttime, especially lying down and trying to sleep.  And so I wouldn't.  I would make myself tea or cocoa (up to four cups at night, just to smooth out my breathing--sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't), play games on my device (an old trick taught to me by a social worker who thought my allergies were a mental problem), go for walks, and cry.

Fast forward four months, and I'm still in the same boat, minus the breathing issues.  I am very thankful that my breathing is under control, and I now have my emergency inhaler for when it isn't.  But my anxiety and my sleeping AREN'T under control.  I freak out if I can't get to sleep immediately.  My mind goes to all the things that could happen, including things that may (or may not) happen when I'm old and dying.  And so I don't sleep until late.  Last night, late came at 7:30am.

I don't want to depend on medication to get me to sleep.  But man, I need to break this cycle of anxiety.  I need to learn to relax and settle down.  If I can't do this soon, I'm going to be in so much trouble.  I need my sleep.  My family needs me to sleep.